8.29.2006

Men's Rules for Women

From Mar 20, 2006

For Your Entertainment:

Men’s Rules (that women should know)

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.

Black.White.

From 07 February 2006 @ 11:10 am

[snip]Along the same lines, check out the Racism Test, a research study done at Harvard to see if you have implicit stereotypes http://www.implicit.harvard.edu/implicit. Click on the demonstration link.

Back again

From 02 February 2006

To tell the truth, I haven't been writing because I haven't had anything to talk about. What have I been up to? Well, been trying to get my husband his own podcast. It's a few more steps than I thought it would be. I'm trying to find the cheapest way to do it, and it's more complex than it should be. When I figure it out, I think I'll put the steps here. In all honesty, nothing interesting has happened. I've been volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club, trying to teach kids who don't care about school how to do something with computers besides play videogames. One of my student's life goals is to become a hustler. Gotta love Houston.

Black.White. (It's On Now!)

From 17 March 2006 @ 01:42 pm

Ya'll know you want to talk about it. Some of you may be shocked by the way the White woman so candidly expresses the most IGNORANT ideas and thoughts. You might say, "Why doesn't she realize how offensive she is?" Well, as a Black woman who went to a White school and had a White roommate (who had only met 1 Black person in her life), I can tell you that White folks are just that way sometimes.

Seriously, that woman doesn't know that she is being offensive or just weird. The definition of ignorant includes simply not knowing. You could put her picture in there with the definition, cuz that's what she is. Unfortunately, the Black woman on the show gets all offended and mean instead of trying to understand the woman. This is typical of Black folks who haven't had the chance to really interact with people who aren't Black. When you do, you realize that, yes, there are racists out there, but there are plenty of folks who are just ignorant. So what do you do? I believe it's your job to educate them. I hear you now: They need to learn on their own. Yeah, they probably should, but they won't.

So, ladies, the next time a White woman reaches out to touch your fresh weave or braids and asks if she can get something like that too, think before you go off on her. The next time a White person calls you "a beautiful Black creature," try to understand that it may be their attempt to give you a genuine complement, and calmly explain that it isn't. It's all good people. Watch Black.White. on FX at 10 EST if you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

Pandora

From 09 August 2006 @ 10:37 am

Ok, so I realize that no one reads this blog, mostly because I never told anyone that I had it. I think when I start this next story, I will let people know that the blog exists. Of course, then do I have to watch what I say because people will know I'm talking about them? Don't know.... Anyway, for the people who are reading, I have a fantastic website for you. This site is so fantastic that I'm going to add it to the links list:

It's a music site that takes your favorite song or artist and makes a streaming radio station. Sure, other sites do it, but Pandora bases the music selections on the qualities of the music and the artist (stuff like vocal tenor and the amount of percussion). It's really good! I've made a reggaeton station with Daddy Yankee as the artist, a smooth neo-soul station with India Arie, Ne-Yo, and Jill Scott as the basis, and an old-school R & B station using Luther Vandross. Now, if I can just get a club station and a go-go station. Speaking of club music, I might have to tell ya'll about that Delta Sigma Theta National Convention. I loved it, but some of my sorors are a HOT MESS (as Val would say).

Oh, but Cosby couldn't be right?

From Aug. 22

Take a look at Juan William's article today in the Washington Post:Banish the Bling.

In the article, he discusses how the mindset of Black culture is one of the things holding so many of us in poverty. He defends Bill Cosby because Cosby is right: what good was Brown vs. the Board of Education and the civil rights movement if we don't take advantage of the opportunities afforded to us? They opened doors and we refuse to walk through for fear that "the man" might be on the other side and make it hard for us to get where we want to go. It's much easier to wait for Diddy to discover me rapping on the corner or for a scout to catch me hoopin it up at Rucker. Right. I'm not blaming the victim, as they say, but I'm realistic. The government is not interested in helping Black folks out of poverty. It rests solely on us to get out of this situation. Yet, black folks idolize rappers and athletes who misogynize women and glorify drugs and murder. David Banner makes some freaky songs, but at least the man got a college degree. Most folks don't know it, so they think they can't go to college and get that life that they are dreaming of (and dreaming of that life of conspicuous consumption is a whole nother post). I'm just sayin....

8.23.2006

Snakes On a Plane

From Aug. 14

I refrained from commenting on this movie because there is WAY too much hype around it. However, because

A) This post about the movie is funny as hell and
B)I think you should read this dude's blog anyway

I present to you, the Angry Black Man's post entitled, Snakes on a MF Plane

For once, I have no comment.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

To inaugurate the post, from his spread in GQ magazine, I give you: Reggie Bush



Spotted @ crunk+disorderly

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog, 2.0. The original blog was and still is on LiveJournal, but I wanted more people to find me, so here I am!

I will be posting choice posts from the past from time to time while keeping ya'll up to date on the foolishness that is Houston, TX (or, as I call it, North Mexico).

Hasta la vista!